Ungrammar School

 

Author’s Note: I wrote this little piece of satire for an online technical writing discussion group in response to a comment suggesting that understanding the rules of writing was somehow incompatible with understanding technology! It was fun breaking all the rules my high school English teacher had drummed into me. Then in a truly bizarre twist, I actually got an inquiry from somebody who wanted to take this fictitious course!!

Campbell School of Tech Writting announces a new course:
Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good!

Are you the abject of scorn from i.e., engineers and software developers? Do they call you “Liberal Arts Major” and worse behind your back because of your prissy gramattically correct writing? Than my friend, you have learned a painful truth: To much grammer knowlege can hurt your career!

But never fear, Campbell School of Tech Writting is here to help! In just one day of Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good!, Prof. R.O. Gant, a unabiashed techno-geek will soon have you writing like “one of the boys”. Having abandoned dangling infinitives and subjunctive gerundiciples, your colleagues will stop sneering and give you the respect you crave and grovel after.

Just as “shabby chic” furniture becomes more valuble, as its artificialy aged by skilled craftsman you can learn to “rough up” your writing to give it that lived-in look. See these examples for a idea of what you’ll find out about in Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good!….

BEFORE
IS-41: Industry standard for inter-switch signalling that enables validation of wireless calls and call completion for roaming callers.

AFTER
IS-41: Utilizing level 4 of the OSI protocol stack and making calls orientated to a HLR/VLR at the MSC (i.e. MTSO), consisting of a TIA-authored standard which allows data transfer and verification in order that differentiation can be arrived at between homers and roamers via SS7/x.25 (see diagram, within). {PS, If you did’nt all ready know this you are a fool!}

See how much better the “After” version is. Its technical, it bespeaks authority, its got acronyms, it practicly shouts “No Pantywastes Allowed!” [or is it Enabled? You won’t care after taking our class!!]. You to, can be writing like an advanced techno-wizzard after attending in our course!

In todays fast paced world of information engineering, your writing style has a huge affect on those that read it. The way you write, mark’s you as either technically competent or a grammatically correct fussbudget, who does’nt know the difference between IS-41 and I-415.

As numerous studies* have shown, people that obsesce over trivial things like spelling, puncutation and grammar, hasn’t got a clue about how to write up documentation with good solid technical contents. As every one** knows you can’t understand both technology and grammer. The human mental capacity just is not wired that way, Its to much. So forgetting the linguistics, now is the time to start focusing on the important elements which impact on your work.

Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good! is comprised of:

  • The Seven Deadly Signs of Grammaticaly Correct Writing
  • Write Good Like a Tech Writer Should
  • To Many Rules
  • Be Passive Agressive
  • Miss Thistlebottom Doesn’t Work Here
  • Spelling Schmelling
  • Writing Outside of the Box
  • Commas: Wherever!
  • Never Let ’em See You Sweat Over A Sentence
  • …and much much more!!

Best of all this one day coarse, packed full of tips and tricks cost only $499! Attend our graceous conference center facility at Perihelical Circuits headquarters in Bludge, GA and you won’t be sorry. Classes starting in fall.

Read these testemonials from satisfied atendees:

“After taking Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good! my writing has became so ‘non-GC’ that even the engineers have stopped picking on me!”–L.F. Ino, Snobol, ID

“Thank’s Campbell School of Tech Writting! Since I stopped being a obssesive word-smith I can finally consentrate on the technical aspect’s of my job!!”–Dewey Bight, Rotweiler, TN

“In my line of work I can’t afford not to use the techniques learned by my fellow students and I in this class! In fact within 3 months of atending I asked for, and got a 25% raise!”–Cher N. Sheraleik, Pore, ME

$$$Money Back Guarantee$$$
If your not 100 per cent fullly satisfy with the results of Stop Writing Correct and Start Writing Good! Campbell School of Tech Writting will cheerfully send you $499 worth of shearware, hot Internet stock tips and coupons good for a free car wash at participating Sinclair stations.

So what, have you got too loose? Call now! Operators are standing by the water cooler!

———-

*Send $49.95, and SASE for complete list, if we can find it we’ll sent it.

**Anyways, if you would of taken the time to read these numberous studys you will already know this!!

Posted to TECHWR-L on July 7, 1999.

 Posted by at 9:01 pm

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